{Princess Catherine Alexis}

When my daughter was young, I made up “Princess Catherine Alexis” stories for her.  I usually just made them up on the spot, and she greatly enjoyed them.  This one is in honor of her 13th birthday.  

Once upon a time, there was a princess named Princess Catherine Alexis.  She lived in a castle with her dad, the king; her mom, the queen; and her brother, Prince James III.  One day the king realized Princess Catherine Alexis’s birthday was days away.  Because this was to be her thirteenth birthday, he decided to make it a grand one.  He thought, and thought, and thought some more and finally decided what to do.

The king approached Princess Catherine Alexis while she was in her dog barn, providing water for her 372 dogs adopted from the Humane Society. The king decreed,

“Princess Catherine Alexis, I have decided to allow you a great privilege on your birthday.  You will have the opportunity to make a new law, which will be enforced on your birthday, June 11.  If proven successful, after one year, the law will become permanent and will be forever part of our land.”

“Wow!” exclaimed Princess Catherine Alexis.  “I’ll really have to think about that.”  The princess wanted to make sure she came up with a good law.  It couldn’t be something unimportant like invoking a National Ice Cream Day or National No Meat Day (the princess was a vegetarian).  

She decided to get input from others close to her.  She asked her brother, Prince James III, if he had any ideas.  His only input was that every young child should be provided with a snare drum at age four, then presented with a new set of drum sticks every year on his or her birthday.  That wasn’t quite Princess Catherine Alexis’s cup of tea, so she decided to ask someone else.

She asked her mother, the queen, for ideas.  The queen had long been an advocate for chocolate, believing that every citizen of the land deserved not only access to good chocolate, but the ability to purchase free trade chocolate at a reasonable price.  She actually had pushed for a law requiring the government to provide Brazilian dark chocolate bars to all women born after 1965.  The bill got held up in Parliament and never amounted to anything.  

Much to the surprise of the princess, her mother the queen didn’t offer any input regarding chocolate, but did suggest implementing a tax incentive to those citizens willing to grow fruit trees in their yards.  Princess Catherine Alexis liked the idea, but decided she wanted to reach for something bigger.

The princess asked advice from her friend, Carolina Amelia Francesca Jones.  Her pals called her Ginger (she had flaming red hair).  Ginger recommended a law that would help kids, as well as kittens, as well as school custodians.  She mentioned school custodians because she’d witnessed some gosh-awful messes at the neighborhood middle school.  Especially in the bathroom.  But this is a nice story so we won’t go into detail.  

Despite Princess Catherine Alexis’s love of all animals, she didn’t want to single out kittens.  Plus, she loved animals, but had a hard time liking cats.

Princess Catherine Alexis asked Monsieur Renoir (yes, he was a distant relative of the impressionist), who served as the mote bridge keeper his opinion.  “You must follow your heart, Mademoiselle Catherine.”

The more she thought about it, the more she knew what she had to do.  She must create a law that allowed homeless people access to free meals.  She just needed to put together the details.  

After a few days of intense thinking and drinking lots of Kroger brand chocolate milk (is there any better?), she had a plan.  She typed it up, printed it out and presented it to the king:

I, Princess Catherine Alexis, propose a law that would enable homeless people access to one free lunch per day.  One McDonald’s in every city in the land must stop serving fast food between the hours of 1 pm and 2 pm, and offer homeless people a lunch consisting of Annie’s brand mac and cheese, an apple, a fresh green salad and a glass of cold, Kroger brand chocolate milk.  Every Saturday, a brownie will also be served with lunch.
The king read the proposal.  A look of sheer delight came over his face.  “What a splendid idea, Princess Catherine Alexis!  I love it!”  
On Saturday, the eleventh of June, in the year of our Lord 2011, the king announced the law.  It didn’t have to go through Parliament because he was the king and could do whatever he pleased.  As soon as it was announced from the castle balcony, the crowd below began shouting “Long live the king!  Long live Princess Catherine Alexis!”  The local television station, WKNG, got word of the story, and news soon spread throughout the kingdom.  
Two days after the announcement, the owner of Chick-fil-A put the following ad in the popular Kingdom Herald newspaper:
We too support the good work of Princess Catherine Alexis.  We shall also serve the homeless lunch, just like McDonald’s, at not just one per city, but every Chick-fil-A location in the kingdom.  Except on Sundays, of course.  Our stores are closed on Sundays.  And we’ll also provide dipping sauces for all who would like them with their mac and cheese.  

Rumor has it that Chick-fil-A wanted to serve homeless people chicken, but the princess, being a vegetarian, didn’t feel right about offering them greasy meat products.  Or killing innocent chickens.

After one year, the law was deemed a success, and still stands to this day.  Everyone in the kingdom lived happily ever after.  

The end.


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