I learned long ago not to share one’s emotions without considering first. In other words, give it some time. Make sure you’re ready to articulate your feelings. So I waited a week to post the following entry:
Today I was angry. I’m not much of an angry person. I get upset, frustrated, disappointed. But usually, usually I’m not angry. My day started with little bothersome things. The realization that a craft I was attempting to create didn’t work out. A guy parking his pick-up in our muddy yard. Reactions from others that I didn’t expect. A friend of my family I’ve known my entire life going back into the hospital.
Then the big one. Finding out about another person’s hurt. Undeserved. Not something she asked for. She was simply trying to follow God’s plan and do what she was led to do. Yet she was run over. Sent packing. I’ve experienced it. My family has been there, not so long ago. So called leadership, run amok. The old, “don’t question me; I am in charge.”
I decided after work to go for a run. Even though it was raining. Even though I knew I’d end up soaked. Why do Mondays so often end up {rainy days and Mondays}?
While running, alone, in the rain, I started to pray. Generally, when alone I’m a silent pray-er. But, since no one really pays much attention when you’re running, I decided to be a bit vocal. I conversed out loud with God, and I must say, it was pleasant. I’m pretty real with God. I figure He knows everything anyway, so what the heck?
I ended up praying for my husband, both my kids, and some other stuff. Basically I asked that each of my immediate family members know God. Not the God preached about by loons who make stupid decisions. But God, who has always been and always will be. Faithful, sovereign God. I told Him I don’t actually care if my children go into a church again, but I do want them to know Jesus, in a personal, real way. Honestly, that’s not an easy prayer for me. I’d prefer our family have a nice, pure church experience every Sunday. But, I’ve come to realize that is not going to happen. We’ve seen and experienced too much ugliness from the above mentioned, leadership run amok crowd.
I found the rain and the run therapeutic. Two miles alone, blabbing away as I ran around a park and a neighborhood.
I’m ending the day with a glass of wine, hence the title of this entry. This evening I listened to a bit of The Brilliance. This song seems appropriate for today:
Upon a Sunny Day 