I have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. The thing about me is though, I’m usually not anxious about big things. It’s the little stuff that gets me.
This is an exaggeration, but I feel like I currently have 75 items on my work to-do list. Book 3 flights, mail camp applications, prepare a postcard mailer for a workshop, and on and on. Oh, then there’s the constant back and forth with Washington DC about our federal grant reporting. And people placing stuff on my desk. And the phone ringing. And this one mom who has called frequently wanting summer camp info. And the workplace restroom, [mind you, we only have one for 13 staff plus a few interns] the workplace restroom sometimes runs out of tp and I’m the one to replace it. And make sure we have sodas in the fridge. And candy in my desk jar because people become grumpy if it’s empty.
There’s also the home stuff. Yes, still little things like picking up college transcripts and mailing birthday cards, and making sure we have something to eat for dinner. Our daughter wants to get together with friends. I don’t want to keep her from her social life, which means I have to fit her transportation needs into my schedule.
Thankfully, I have no major problems. At least that I know of. My son’s enrolled at the University of Louisville for fall semester. My daughter is having an enjoyable summer [by my calculations]. My husband and I will celebrate our 23rd anniversary this weekend by going camping together. My life is decent, if not great. I have much to be thankful for.
I just wish life did not include errands and grocery shopping and driving around town.
Our daughter’s birthday is in June. So is my sister’s. So is my sister’s husband. And, like I mentioned above, so is our wedding anniversary. There’s Father’s Day, which for me includes a Saturday of work at an annual workplace event. My son’s college orientation was earlier this week [June 3-4]. He’s returning to the University of Louisville campus later this month for the Guitar Foundation of America Convention. All of these things are great. They’re reason to celebrate, or at least send a card. Yet they can also add to my anxiety. They bring about responsibilities and things to add to the to-do.
Summer is my favorite season. I love sunshine and warmth. I enjoy the kids not having to go to school. Yet June has become such a busy month. I find myself longing for July and our family’s camping trip to West Virginia. And I kick myself for not enjoying June more. It’s a lovely month in Kentucky. Yet it’s filled with little things.