Upon a Sunny Day

Yesterday I was so proud of myself.  I ran an errand at lunch.  To Trader Joe’s I headed, with the intention of covering our family’s dinners for the week.

I had a plan.  A plan that included cast iron steaks for my husband and son.  Jamie will soon head to college and Chip will be left as the only carnivore amongst two devout vegetarians.  I found a recipe that included rib eyes, and while knowing this is my husband’s least favorite steak, I figured steak is still one of his preferred items to eat.  So, I went with it.  Plus Chip is generally a stickler for using a recipe verbatim.  I, on the other hand, like to go off the reservation….uh recipe, a bit.  Again proud of myself, I committed to following the instructions I’d earlier pinned on Pinterest:

Skillet Steaks with Gorgonzola Herbed Butter

The rest of the week’s plan included using a box of bow tie pasta and a jar of vodka sauce we already had in our cupboard.  Hey, saving money is important – use what you’ve got, right?  Alas, I came home to find out my husband and son do not like vodka sauce.  At all.  And my son doesn’t really consider bow tie pasta a valid pasta option.

Dinner did go well.  Both men seemed pleased with their steaks, which my husband ended up grilling outdoors as opposed to the cast iron skillet methodology.  My thought, when I decided upon the recipe, was that storms were forecasted for the evening, so why not make dinner inside?  Apparently wind and rain do not deter my husband from grilling.  I, inspired by an NPR interview with a vegetarian chef I heard on Sunday, chose to cook a batch of vegetables in a cast iron skillet indoors, nonetheless.

We also baked some of those frozen biscuits, purchased originally to act as the holder of the country ham purchased by Chip on last weekend’s camping trip.  Chip awoke this morning with his mind on a country ham biscuit.  Unbeknownst [unfortunately!] to me, Chip wished to add an egg to his breakfast sandwich this morning.  And we, apparently, are out of eggs.  His second choice was toast made with white bread.  Yes, you guessed it.  We’re also out of white bread.  And yes, I could have purchased both of these items when I was grocery shopping yesterday.  Yet, I didn’t realize we needed them.  Yes, I realize they’re staples.  Things most Americans have in their kitchens.  We do have a jar of vodka sauce, though.  Chip ended up eating a bowl of Rice Krispies.  I ended up feeling like an inadequate wife and mother.

One might think after twenty three plus years of marriage, I’d have the whole grocery list thing down better.  The truth is, despite the fact I consider myself to be fairly intelligent, I can be a ditz.  I forget often.  But….life goes on.  I’m confident we have the ingredients for tonight’s dinner already at home.  Not so confident that I won’t text my son in a while and make sure we have the sauerkraut necessary for our Reubens.  And yes, I’ll visit Kroger today and pick up some eggs and white bread.  I will interject we do have a loaf of wheat, but Chip prefers white.

I’ve learned through the years there are things you can change.  Things you can and should work on.  Better communication.  Kindness.  Appreciation and encouragement voiced audibly.  And there are things, despite our concentration and sincere efforts, that are extremely difficult to modify.  How one’s brain works is one of them.  I’m not making excuses for being scatterbrained.  Well, maybe I am.  But I am sincere in my attempts to be a good wife and mom.

My eyes watered on the drive to work.  Actually, I suppose I was crying.  But now that I’m settled in for the day, I realize something.  My husband will never proclaim to the world:

Deb has always done an excellent job making sure we have an adequate supply of food in the house.

Yet I truly believe he thinks I’m a successful wife and mother.  He knows I’ve poured hours into our family and am loyal to an extreme.  Despite the fact we don’t have eggs in our fridge.