Loneliness is not quite the word I’m looking for.
The actual word is loneness. Being alone, unaccompanied, As in a lone traveler.
I’ve learned that many of my pains and sorrows must be faced alone. As well as joys and celebrations.
First of all, I’m a private person. Second, well second, I’ve learned that it’s really hard to find people who truly care. And on top of actually caring, are in close enough proximity to offer any kind of true fellowship.
It’s become quite cliche to say, “we’re not created to do life alone.” Yet, I find it’s rare to come across people who are brave enough to desire a real relationship. Or take the time to foster it.
I think most people simply want to be on friendly terms with people who are just like they are. People who are agreeable. People who like their music, sports teams, political leanings, etc. Meanwhile, if you’re not too keen on whatever’s popular with the group you’ve found yourself spending the most time with, well, you’ll quite possibly feel alone. Which means, whether you like it or not, you’re lonely.
So maybe loneliness is the word I’m looking for.
I’ve found people don’t generally consider you a loneliness candidate if you’re married. It’s assumed you have all the relational fodder you need because you live with someone. Yet, despite having a person in my life with whom I’ve made a lifetime commitment, I still at times long for an additional person or persons to confide in. Not because my husband isn’t adequate. But because he cannot meet every relational need.
Loneliness comes in waves. I can go weeks and not feel it. Then it makes a visit. And I tell myself I need to strive and work and make relationships into something more. Go deeper. With my husband, with my friends, with family. Yet it’s difficult and at times nearly impossible. Especially if one is introverted….which I am. Especially if one enjoys spending time alone….which I do. I could go on and on, but the fact is, sometimes I’m lonely. And while that’s okay, it’s still……lonely.