There is a function on our family television that offers a selection of music videos. Because I’m technologically deprived, I will not expound on the details. All I know is my husband and kids tune in and find musicians and groups they like. Sometimes we all sit in the living room and take turns [sort of] choosing what we want to see/hear next. We have some different tastes in musical genres, so the choices can be broad. I often chime in with
Over the Rhine. Over the Rhine. Over the Rhine.
I will not expound on the song’s complete lyrics, but I will on the title. I ask myself, am I happy with myself? In other words,
Self, are you happy with me?
The answer? Well, the short answer is “no”. And while I don’t deem it appropriate to rave on and on of my self confessed inadequacies and issues via an internet blog, I will say I have items I need to change. Rather abruptly. Or I will not ever be what the song title alludes to. Nor will others close to me be happy with me.
Tomorrow I return to my counselor, a professional I’ve begun seeing again after a long time not. While I would actually like to go in and hear her encourage me and praise my behaviors, I know that won’t be the case. She is honest and she will tell me I need to get my stuff together. She might not even use the word “stuff”. Really, that’s what I need to hear.
I am broken and afraid. But like I’ve said before, I want this to be a year of change. Self change.
More on change: