happy with myself{?}

There is a function on our family television that offers a selection of music videos.  Because I’m technologically deprived, I will not expound on the details.  All I know is my husband and kids tune in and find musicians and groups they like.  Sometimes we all sit in the living room and take turns [sort of] choosing what we want to see/hear next.  We have some different tastes in musical genres, so the choices can be broad.  I often chime in with

Over the Rhine.  Over the Rhine.  Over the Rhine.

They are one of my favorite groups.  Unfortunately, they only have one song available on the program.  Which song?  Happy with MyselfOverTheRhine

I will not expound on the song’s complete lyrics, but I will on the title.  I ask myself, am I happy with myself?  In other words,

Self, are you happy with me?

The answer?  Well, the short answer is “no”.  And while I don’t deem it appropriate to rave on and on of my self confessed inadequacies and issues via an internet blog, I will say I have items I need to change.  Rather abruptly.  Or I will not ever be what the song title alludes to.  Nor will others close to me be happy with me.

Tomorrow I return to my counselor, a professional I’ve begun seeing again after a long time not.  While I would actually like to go in and hear her encourage me and praise my behaviors, I know that won’t be the case.  She is honest and she will tell me I need to get my stuff together.  She might not even use the word “stuff”.  Really, that’s what I need to hear.

I am broken and afraid.  But like I’ve said before, I want this to be a year of change.  Self change.

More on change:

oh my {word}!

doesn’t happen overnight

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