I found myself

I found myself pleased with a realization.  As I left the cathedral yesterday morning, the place I’ve been worshiping these last few months, I found myself to be happy.  While I realize one should, under good and normal circumstances leave one’s place of worship in a cheerful mood, I have had a dark shadow fall over me most Sundays as I’ve hit the sidewalk and headed to my car.  Circumstances.  Loneliness.  Questions.  Not particularly wanting to face life outside the safe environs of a stained glass clad historical building.  Well, not yesterday.  And thinking back, not last Sunday either.  Last Sunday, mind you, was Easter and so I didn’t think too much of my joy, as Easter Sunday is the fundamental reasoning for the Christian faith, correct?  So yesterday, yesterday was a milestone.  No sadness as I escorted myself across Upper Street, headed to get my usual after church donut.

I found myself happy yesterday while walking through our city’s arboretum.  My daughter and I enjoyed an hour together  on a warm, sunny day.  We photographed tulips.  We ate a picnic lunch.  We watched a man set up a hammock between two trees.

I found myself joy filled tonight, serving a dinner I prepared for my daughter, son and his friend.  Something about cooking a decent meal for those you love is satisfying.  I cherished our time around the dinner table.  I look forward to a summer filled with food and discussions ranging from Putin to what we’re reading to pop stars to sports.

I found myself grateful for the opportunity to help my daughter obtain tools she needs for her upcoming exchange trip and AP exams.   I found myself anticipating the completion of a work project in which much time has been required.  I found myself thankful for those who choose to support, those who give, whether to me personally or to the organization in which I’m employed or to a cause that matters.

I found myself pleased that family members love.  Despite miles and other concerns.  I found myself awestruck due to friends’ care.

I found myself a little less lonely, a little less cynical.  I found myself certain as opposed to unsettled.  I found myself hopeful.

Spring will come

 

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