Upon a Sunny Day

I think about the word {calling} often as of late.

Here’s the thing.  My family moved specifically to the home I currently dwell in for a reason.  Because of the neighborhood.  Because of our priorities, thoughts, convictions, beliefs.  All that stuff.  Well, divorce certainly throws a wrench in much of that.  Do I still hold the same priorities, thoughts, convictions, beliefs?  Yes, I believe I do.  I’m just living them out on my own right now.

Which makes me curious as to whether I still belong where I’m at.  Is it an odd locale for a single woman?  It’s not that I feel unsafe.  It’s that neighborhood immersion in an area like the one I reside in is not an easy task.  And not something I feel like I can necessarily face alone.  I liken it a bit to being a pioneer.  You move west with your family, with all these hopes.  Then the kids are gone; everyone is gone except the dog and you don’t know if you can realistically keep up the homestead.  I mean that last sentence figuratively.  I can handle my lawn and my house care and all that.  But the idea of it all…..I don’t know if it makes sense.  And what about the future?

I joked today with my work friends that if I ever remarry, the wedding will take place in Castlewood Park.  Which is in my neighborhood.  So I suppose I see myself here for a while.  And I see my future, whether seen cognitively or not, here.  But that would mean those closest to me would also feel a tie to here.  My here. My home.  My daughter will return home next summer, and until she goes away to college she’ll be with me at our home.  So the aloneness is temporarily temporary.  But long term, will I feel drawn away?

And if I am, what will the reason be?  Love of person?  Love of opportunity?  Love of adventure and possibility?  And will that reason fit at all with what called me to where I am today?  My friend told me this week actually, she could not imagine me living in the suburbs.  I don’t see that in my future either.  But I never expected to dwell alone in 2014 either.  So there’s that.

Ordinary has never appealed to me, although I’m truly not an exciting person.  Is one’s true calling based on dreams and desires or the providential plan of God?  Or maybe both melded together?  Or is calling just a silly word we use when we want to feel like our life matters?