go away, June

First day of summer. Texted James. He’s tired of summer. Maybe I am too.

Usually it’s my favorite season. June though, just go away.

Instagram photos of dads and kids with catchy little captions I don’t need to see. Oh, I’m happy you’re happy. But I’m proof that…..well, life isn’t always what it seems. So I’ve avoided social media and its holiday highlights today.

I ran six miles. And I hated the last. Mile. I’d rather run four. Five is alright but a long way. But six. Six is unpleasant. To me, anyway. But an upcoming 10K equals over six so I must prepare. My right heal hurts and I sweat then I realize today is not the best day to mow my yard. But it needs to be done and who else in the world is going to do it? Then I get mad at myself because I should be thankful I have this lawn to mow. It could have easily been taken away. And I should be pleased I can run six miles without stopping. Oh, I am pleased. Yay me. But my heal still hurts and I have four (yes, 4) mowers in my possession currently but that’s a funny story for another day.

I miss my dad. It’s the day to celebrate him and he’s far away. Of course, I called him. Listened to one of his favorite songs. Bridge Over Troubled Water. Cried. Wished June was over.

Sometimes, June is too much. My kids messaged me on a particular day. Made sure I was alright. A day that was once significant but now…..it’s another day. They are kind, caring. Concerned about me. Which I love. The two Catherines in my life had birthdays. Sister and daughter. Yet I wasn’t able to share the day with either one. Distance. Miles can be the worst.

Events. Work events and grants to be written and deadlines. It adds up. Do this and do that. Work extra hours, which is fine. I won’t complain. But it’s more and isn’t summer supposed to be less? So I’m ready for June to pass.

Waiting. I am always waiting. It seems so whether it’s truly correct. Waiting for the girl to come home. Waiting for the rain to stop. Waiting for……

Dream. I don’t dream very often. At night. But last night. And I awoke disturbed. Head hurt. So I do what I do when that happens. Pain meds and caffeine. And try to relax. And hope June is over soon. Visit the pool and take in the sun. Read a book. Realize it’s probably best to eat more than half a Clif Bar after running.

Nine more days and June will be over. Then seven until Al comes home from Europe. Then we’ll count the days until school starts again. Sometime in July though, we will turn on music, really loud. And she and I will dance. Silly. Crazy. Funky chicken type stuff that makes her laugh. And Jamie will act annoyed. He’ll be grumpy. But that’s okay. Allie will choose songs. And I will choose songs she dislikes because I’m thirty years older. But July will be happy and we will celebrate. She’ll pick up CJ the beagle and make her dance and CJ won’t have a clue what’s happening because she’s old. Then Jamie will finally smile and maybe, just maybe, he’ll join us in the dancing. Doubtful he’ll go that far. The guitarists never want to dance……

So I say goodbye, June. I’m about done with you. Despite a few good things you might still hold. Camp for kids this week. That’s a positive, sure. Lightning bugs. More runs so I’ll be ready. Sunshine. Evenings on my porch, where I am right now as I type. Knowing it won’t always be today.

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