My views could be construed as a bit jaded, due to past experience. Oh, and there’s also the fact I can be somewhat judgmental regarding others so-called love stories, which I often interpret as longing for validation as opposed to actual love….as in Johnny and June love.
I hope you’re familiar with that term….Johnny and June love, because if you’re not, well, I’m not going to explain…..you’ll have to figure it out. Or listen to this song:
People ask me, every so often, if I think I’ll ever get married again. To which I say something jumbled like…..”Yes…..I think so…..maybe……who knows…probably not?” Which is how I answer most questions. Because I’m indecisive. And I don’t like to be pinned down when it comes to answering personal questions.
I suppose the answer should be, “If the circumstances were correct, yes. If not, well then, no.” But let’s just go ahead and preface the circumstances. Would have to be correct. In other words, I don’t need someone around to tell me I’m lovely. Not to say I wouldn’t find that to be a nicety, it’s just that I don’t need that. I am capable of ascertaining whether or not I’m lovely, not to say [at all] that I perceive myself as such. But at 47+ years old, I’ve developed a solid and I believe realistic, view of myself. And I don’t, as of today, need anything which I don’t already have.
By circumstances, I should probably say if I find someone who fits my list of criteria, and that someone simultaneously thinks I’m keen [or neat….I like that word, neat], then, well, maybe we have a chance at a future. The criteria though, the list as I’ve labeled it, is probably designed by me to be so near impossible to fulfill that I shouldn’t bother considering ever being paired up with someone again. And besides, even if one could check off 80% of my list, that doesn’t mean that someone has any interest in spending the next forty three years with me. Yes, I plan to reach the age of ninety. Maybe. I come from a long line of long living women, okay?
I’m not sure why I’m writing this, except that it’s most likely because Valentine’s Day was five days ago, and it generally conjures up thoughts of love and romance and the like. And I simultaneously feel somewhat guilty and partly shallow because I pay any attention to the day at all.
Yet I also consider that love is so much more than a feeling or a small exchange of joy shared because someone bought another someone dinner. There is no obligation involved in actual love. Expectations perhaps, but no obligations. And that is the harshest of realities. At least from my point of view.
What we love the most often gives us the greatest pain. ~ Richard Rohr
My kids gave me a Valentine’s gift. I’ve been attending a weekly writing practice session, and they gave me a journal to utilize during my time there.
My mom sent me a card. My niece sent my daughter and I artwork she created. Because each of these people who love me is thoughtful and kind. And all of them realize I might get a little down on days like Valentine’s because, well, some people do. Whether or not I’m one, I don’t feel the need to share, thank you.
I’m most likely idealistic in that I don’t want to be a part of something just to be a part. That seems to be a fairly easy thing to accomplish……finding someone who wants to be a part. There’s no journey though, in the easy to find. Not much interesting or compelling. The sure thing is like walking across the street. It’s to settle.
Thank you but I’d rather not. Settle. Even if that makes me seem standoffish or seemingly rude.