I am a song lyric person. I believe I’ve mentioned it before in my blog. When I hear a song, I often think of a person. I relate the song, based on the lyrics, to a person I know or have known. Not always, but sometimes. Often, actually.
Brown Eyed Girl. A classic. And I think of my daughter. Oh, she would tell you she doesn’t have brown eyes. That her eyes are hazel. And yes, I’d agree. Hazel eyes. But I don’t know any songs with “hazel eyes” in the lyrics that are as good as the standard Van Morrison tune so there you go. Hazel eyes are partially brown. So there’s my connection.
I find it interesting my daughter has hazel eyes. Mine are green. Bordering on green/blue. Her father’s are blue. The closest person I can think of with brown is my mom. My mother has brunette hair and brown eyes. Yet my daughter’s hair is blond.
I say all this because it reminds me we are a combination of a bunch of other people. We’re a part of our parents, sure. But a whole heckofa lot of other folks too.
Today is my daughter’s 19th birthday. And I am thinking about how she is a combo. My dad’s mom who loved nice clothes and shoes and the Boston Celtics. And my sister whose legs I remember from youth are the same as my daughter’s. Interesting. My daughter’s face looks like mine. Or at least my 19 year old face. Somewhat. Her hair is blond. And my hair hasn’t been naturally blond since I was a toddler.
My daughter though is more than looks and attitude towards nice things. She is strong willed. She is different than me. Despite the commonalities we share, the interests, the thoughts. Again, she is different than me. And that’s not negative. It’s simply a fact. I am trusting and often naive. She is forthright and strong. Always strong. Though she’d say I am strong as well.
The mother daughter relationship is a tempestuous one. I’m not sure why. I love my daughter fiercely. Would do anything for her. Yet. It’s often hard to comprehend. The relationship. The whys. She doesn’t understand so much because she is young and has never experienced what I have because I am older. So many answers she will never fully grasp. It’s not her responsibility. She’s only to accept she’s loved and cared for but it’s always going to be a mess because people are faulty. Someday she’ll realize people err completely and it is not her fault. Not at all her fault. Yet I grieve because she feels. Something. So much. But it’s her birthday so I celebrate. Her. She is lovely and precious and worthy of a celebration.
People chime in. Don’t focus on looks. Yet I tell my daughter she is beautiful. Because she is. So why not tell her? I tell her she is brilliant. Capable. A talented public speaker. Because again, she is. I tell her I am proud. Over and over. And I don’t know if it sinks in. Because she is female and we are sometimes slow to accept our worth.
I wish she was here. Or I was there. She is in New York City. East Village if I’m not mistaken. Me? Central Kentucky. Blah. Blah. Blah. It’s a bland and ridiculous scenario because I wish I could buy her brunch and walk down a street with her. Yet. Yet life affords some interesting twists and turns and someday it will make sense. But today. I miss her whole heartedly.
She sees me like no one else in the universe sees me because she is a piece of me. I adore her. Though she can infuriate me. I adore her completely. My love for her is the purest. And my every decision is based on her well being.
The activist. She’s for all that is equitable. The girl who has made a way when there really was no way. That’s my daughter. And I cry a few tears then smile because she is everything to me. Her brother adores her as well. They are the best of friends.
Music and sunshine. That’s what she is to me. Happiness. I wish her a happy 19th birthday. I remember nineteen and the hopes. What I wanted. Who. And the questions. I wish her the best. Of course, because she’s mine. And she will have the best for her, I’m certain. Already does, today. So I can relax and enjoy the thought of her. There. Far away yet always, always in my heart.