I think if I asked my daughter what her favorite place in her hometown is, she’d answer:
Or at least I’m fairly certain it’s one of her favorite places in Lexington.
I took a walk yesterday. Unplanned. Sitting in a coffee shop, working. I looked outside and realized it was a beautiful day. Somewhat sunny. Warm for February. I realized I had about an hour before I was to report somewhere. So I packed up and drove a short distance to a park. The above mentioned…Woodland Park.
I like to walk. I have at times told myself I should take a walk everyday, despite the weather. I haven’t held myself to that standard yet, but during the warmer months, I do take a lot of them. Oh, I run for exercise. But there’s something about walking that’s different. It’s a good means to thinking, at least for me.
So back to yesterday’s. Walk.
Woodland Park is quite different than my neighborhood park. Which is Castlewood. Note both contain “wood” which is somewhat interesting. But Woodland is in a completely different area of town. And while the amenities are, somewhat the same, there are many differences. Woodland contains a skate area. Therefore, it attracts skaters. Boys with skateboards who wear Vans and certain brands of clothing. Evoking skate sounds. And grown men who still enjoy the scene. And I’m guessing a smattering of girls because there is such a thing as skater chicks (I grew up in the west)…plus where the boys are…well you know how it goes.
Both parks have tennis courts but I’ve noted Woodland attracts more players. Castlewood contains a community center. Which in Lexington is code for gym. Meaning basketball. Also a tennis court was converted to a futsal court. And Castlewood does have the Loudoun House. Which is….how should I describe it? A historical building which now houses an art venue. I won’t go on and on with the differences because I am not trying to turn my blog into a Parks and Rec page.
Anyway…my thoughts while walking were, at least to me, somewhat interesting. Today is Ash Wednesday. Therefore I’m a bit contemplative about the season of Lent. I know. I know. Not everyone cares about that. I get it. So be it and all that. But…bear with me.
The differences are startling yet strangely comforting. Time. Place. Emotions. The end. The beginning.
If asked what I want I could answer. If asked what’s going to happen I think I could as well. No, not exactly the same. But the ocean. And the sounds. The tide. Everything comes and goes and so will this. My mind says. I will survive. Changed. Yet the same.
Why does a park in the middle of Kentucky remind me of the ocean? Oh yes, that’s why. It makes sense.
I am not afraid. Not anymore. But I am sad. Will I always be? Nope. I think the Universe is back to sending messages. Finally. And that’s good news.
And not through the usual means but this time. Through a reminder. What I once wished for. Specific colors and people. It will take some work. And most likely, more brokenness. But. That day envisioned will come. Everyone a role to fill. Well nearly. And I wonder if any of it is worth it but yet. I know.
Timing. I was reminded three times today about timing. Probably even more times actually. I don’t particularly enjoy this aspect. Waiting. Wishing. Hoping. Only to face disappointment. Reminded also though I do not know the entire story.
People give up something for Lent. I will not. I will add. Incorporate. Eat more actually because I chose three words to focus on and one of them is heal. And for me. That doesn’t mean to cut out. It means to add.
I was wrong. I actually am afraid. That I am truly, truly wrong and all is lost. But then I received a gift today from my sister and it is stark. In fact, I do not know if anything could be clearer. I am uncertain if she has any idea of the significance. I think she does in part. But not wholly. And therein lies the truth. In the unknown.
So I proceed. Wondering if I am abruptly wrong in my forecast because I have been so. One, two, three, maybe more times before. And it’s rather self depleting. So maybe an escape is called for.
Yet. The gift. The day. The walk. The boys with blond, blond hair skating. Things I’d like to write. But won’t.
The knowledge that. She will take her finger and make a cross on my forehead. Ashes. Death. The worst of me. A day that reminds me of decades. Red and roses. Heart broken. Pink. I have always liked the color pink. Ashes have to take precedence over the heart(s) though.
And that’s the crux of it all.