heart and mind and me

I am the odd person who wishes I could simply put together a photo montage of 2018 and post it on three modes of social media then toast the new year. But that’s not me. To those of you who it is…I do not slight you in any way.  I do not disparage your festiveness or want to steal your joy.

Instead, I write and consider. Trying to be me. Like others, I have favorite moments from the past year. Accomplishments. Low points I am not at all proud of. Will I list those out or share them in bullet points with the world? In part, perhaps. Not in the entirety though because I do not care to. An ere of mystery is what separates the interesting from the ordinary, in my opinion. And with that, I leave you with what I did create instead of the year in photos or a month by month play by play in kitschy subtitles:

ask myself
the last day questions
proud moments?
a list to check off?
more importantly though
are tomorrow’s
the first day questions
what will I?
what do I want?
more of what
less of what
something entirely new
who do I want to be
not what…but who
and how will I become her
or am I already


the fight in my head must stop
the argument in my stomach
the conflict in my mind and heart
resolve is the key
and I chuckle at the music terms
as if I knew
how to end on the right chord so I keep playing
I, IV, V with the correct minor usually thrown in appropriately
but the thing is, I do
know the last chord of every song because I know the theory
my theory, which is entirely of my own doing so I keep playing
knowing the fight will not stop


three pieces instead of one
my mind in collage form
pieces it all
every last bit of it
together and sees it like I wish it was
end and beginning
last day into first and back again
looping finally into my future
I won’t cry today
only rehearse the song
writing furiously so as not to forget
the blending and exactness
heart and mind and all

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