{the difficulty of monitoring ones life during a pandemic}

saw a couple dogs yesterday

close and personal

they each greeted me

imposed upon my space and I was glad

another dog the day before

tiny, a yapper

the dog beyond the apartment door on Elkwood

I pictured him large, based on sounds

and of course the barker across the street

I walked a usual path

photographed a house

walked again yesterday

usual yet different route than the previous day

and I observed

other houses on nearby streets

small, old

I drove by the house I tried to buy a few years back

oh, I had a reason to be in the neighborhood

so I allowed myself

someone lives there now and I am curious

did the owner solidify the foundation

how many times have I been told

“you need a strong foundation”

what is coming, after all this

what do I want

I have not been bored

I have had plenty and then some to do

returning home emotionally and physically worn

what’s it like to paint and read and bake all day

watch a movie at 2pm on a Tuesday and order a beer curbside

those are things I have yet to explore

perhaps later in the pandemic I shall

please do not misconstrue

I do not mean to be rude

or accusatory or in any way judgmental

well…perhaps a bit judgmental as we all have our faults

I am asking myself important questions

what do I want to be in all this

or more importantly, who

what do I want to be once it is over

where, and again, who

so far, the above

a house and a dog sound good

but that could change

in the end, the answer might simply be a chicken dinner and a glass of chardonnay

or perhaps so much more

maybe actual answers, substantial and final

today is not the day to decide

yesterday evening, a man said thank you

he was walking his small dog (again, a dog)

he said, “thanks for all you do”

I have no clue as to who he is

a middle aged white male who apparently is the neighbor to a family I’m close to

I was leaving their house after delivering some milk and bread

I am no saint or martyr or wonderful person

honestly, I was doing my job

and honestly again, my job is not really a job

but I appreciate him thanking me

despite not knowing my name or anything much about me except what he perceived

I will walk again today

already saw a dog out my window

consider more today as I have more time to myself

in some ways, a normal Saturday

although chuckling to myself, not normal in any way at all

life is changed and the forecast says change is gonna [continue] to come (song lyrics inserted)

yet my heart is still, wildly the same

I don’t see that as modifying, ever

hence the difficulty of monitoring ones life during a pandemic

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s