wrecked beauty

This year I am a participant in the Poetry Gauntlet at Lexington’s Carnegie Center. This means I committed to writing 100 poems in 2020. Here’s #24:

another Saturday morning
I deliberate as to my astuteness
what am I ready for
change has already come
I ponder my own acceptance
sure, I belong
but as what?
neighbor, friend, that nice lady
roles are listed, in outline form
roles are muted, cluttered
as much like watercolors as metallic oils
I have learned so much
yet still have much to not just learn
but figure out
a great deal of muck to wade through
oh, mostly in my own mind
not on paper
as far as a canvas
if I could paint my own life
as it currently is lived
beige with splats of lavender, fuchsia, violet
dullness with a side of urgency
wrecked beauty
which is what my world is just now
perfect moments surrounded by an awfulness
I grow, we grow, the wind blows
eventually we will overcome
the questions, will they be answered?
or will they ever linger like I do
light shines in my window
another Saturday morning
I note the breeze amidst the quiet
I miss the ordinary while realizing it never, ever was
meaning I miss what I never, ever had

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