grief

I have decided to delve into grief. As a subject matter. Writing wise, anyway. I wanted a theme for September. Or the next little bit of time. In regards to my poetry. And this is what I came up with. Previously I haven’t exactly picked a theme and wrote so many poems based on it. I’ve just written, then looked back and realized I can categorize most into certain subjects such as “place” or “times and seasons” or “emotions” or whatever. 

Grief though.

Why?

Well, let’s be real, shall we? There’s been a good deal of loss as of late. We are given a death update on the daily. And while I have yet to know anyone who has died because they had the virus, I have experienced the death of people I cared for during the last six months. So despite not being recorded in the day’s uptick, I believe everything is related. Therefore…it all adds up. So much loss. Loss of jobs. Finances. Events planned that never came to be. School. Sports. Travel. The best laid plans. Done for. Of course, some of the loss would have happened regardless of COVID. Life produces loss naturally, right? 

So by writing about it, I hope to express, through written words, some aspects of what I am feeling and observing. 

Sometimes I realize I have to let go. I have to allow something to die, whether that be my favorite plant or a goal I realize I won’t reach or a way of dealing with another person.

And conversely, maybe we have to let something die in order to let it arise. Revamp. Regenerate. Become anew. When I was young and my family visited Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix, I loved seeing the mural of the phoenix bird that hung in a terminal there. It’s since been moved but still is in the airport. The symbolism. Fire, sun, and coming back to life as something new. Out of the ashes. 

Grief is felt and manifested in different ways by different people. It seems to me we don’t all experience it the same way or respond the same way to it. Please don’t think I’m sitting here suffering greatly. Crying up a storm. Because I’m not. But I have come to realize there is much I haven’t allowed myself to fully mourn. So I picked a theme for my writing. I wanted a theme to focus on this month. And this seemed the most relevant and up to date. 

I’m not going to get into specifics. Who and what and why. My goal for 2020 is 100 poems, as per the guidelines set out when I joined the Poetry Gauntlet earlier this year. I’m going to enter my grief poems into my Google Doc, like I’ve entered the previous ones written this year. I’ll also post some, maybe all of them here, on my blog, on the POETRY page. 

Grief. In relation to all the ways I’ve been reminded of and experienced loss in the last six months. Grief because sometimes I’m happy to see an end, yet need to take the time to fully process the situation.


One thought on “grief

  1. “But I have come to realize there is much I haven’t allowed myself to fully mourn”

    I resonate with this in so many ways. Thank you for giving language to that

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