funny how words can break me

nothing particularly relevant or important

only blah blah a brief mention and I am gone

receded into the place my mind reserves for reality

I had a talk with myself this week

sometimes I’m my own coach and I’m more of the old fashioned type

the generation of yelling and no trophy for second place

positive self talk is nice but there are days

days when I go back and forward, in and out

reminding myself of who and what I am

what I’m capable of

I cried this week, after a long drought

I also saw a rainbow

same day and it makes me wonder

why the truth is right here, amongst us, yet so far, far away

I’m sitting, listening to it rain and considering. Why some trees have budded. Green and full and shouting. Others, not quite there yet, are slow to embrace the newness. Tulips are one of my favorites and I wish they could linger yet they’re gone so quickly. And I am reminded that not everything in life blooms at the same time.

I’ve thought a good deal lately about my orchid. Is this normal? To consider a houseplant? I think so but anyway. My orchid is a rescue plant. Someone received it as a gift at my former workplace. She didn’t want it and ended up leaving it behind when she made her exit from the organization. Knowing it would either be left to die or I could adopt it, I took it home. That’s been, I’m not sure, five or six years ago I’d say. The orchid lived happily on the fireplace mantle of my previous home. It bloomed and I enjoyed it. All was well. Some time ago I relocated my life to another home and the orchid didn’t fare so well. It didn’t bloom for multiple years and I feared it was a goner. I did something I generally do not do, as a plant keeper. I purchased some fertilizer. Specifically designed for orchids. Note it was not Miracle-Gro. Sorry, not a fan. I faithfully took care of my plant and, I’m happy to report, it currently has four flowers and a bud. It’s beautiful and I’m proud. A nice story. I wouldn’t mind acquiring another orchid or two. They are so unique and indoor flowers make me happy.

I know, sure, there are many, many illustrations to be found in blooms and spring and renewal and all that jazz. It’s probably even tiresome to hear for those who are not so into growing things. Right now though, what hits me the hardest, like I mentioned above, is that not everything blooms at the same time. The bulb flowers are the early birds of spring. Then boom, they’re out. Dogwoods. Same. I have some pansies on my porch and they’ll remain content for a good while. But the big tree out front, the one which makes my “I live in a treehouse” dream somewhat close to reality? Well he has yet to show his full vibrancy. And I have a Christmas cactus which blooms only at, yes, Christmas.

Timing is so much of life and time is often so unforgiving. The lapses and the truth. The mirror tells me as does my own personal assessment. It’s impossible to always be florescent.

One too many goals
That measure out your worth
To seek your weight in gold
Sat by the ivory sill
The further out you look
The further out you'll be
It's not enough to set the terms
If nothing ventured, nothing earned
Though odds are set against
In time, I'll belong to you
It's how it's meant to be

The lyrics above. No, not my words. Find the rest by Googling “The Next Time Around” by Little Joy. I heard the song today. While grocery shopping which is interesting. I like Little Joy for multiple reasons. Who doesn’t love a Brazilian supergroup? If you’re unfamiliar, hopefully you’ll give them a listen. Nothing ventured, nothing gained is I’d say, for the most part an accurate saying. And at times, a rather difficult concept. But if I’d not given my orchid some extra care…well who knows if it would currently boast four flowers? I’m sure there’s a metaphor there if one needs one.

Songwriters: Jordana Shapiro / Fabrizio Moretti / Rodrigo Amarante Neves

The Next Time Around lyrics © Songs Of Smp, Fatal Bagel Publishing, Family Van Music Llc, Quatro Maos Ed. Ltda., Hallmark Music Co Inc.

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