other writings

last day of October

autumn leaves on bricks
changes all around and I feel myself surrounded
the briskness of today
October, month of endings
year after year
but this day reminds me of the opposite
beginnings and continuing
belong, a manner in which
fill a role no one else
can I actually
yes, because I am
linking verb, holding together
stop trusting lines
time lines / outlines
believe only in circles
grace filled circles enabling me to progress


something I wrote
some months back
one of those moments
happy and sad and confused
all at the same time…
“life is full of stupid ironies
shit show messes…”
excerpts from my life
reminders I am human
we all are
emotion filled searchers
today is filled with contradictions
beautiful day
joy abounds
so much hurt
beyond comprehension
I feel
so much
which reminds me I am alive
present, so very present
removed as well
wanting to be
wanting to just be
hope is the word
in which I cling


going someplace
where’s the question
out of my head
down the street
all the prepositions
meaning a word governing
yet what do I govern?
at least not in a consecutive manner
more prepositions
words on words on words
and I contemplate
is there a where
my where
is the question, or?
either or, and or
or, or, or
do I have to decide, or
is it alright
a conjunction, connector
be a joiner
but I hate to join
I want to be free of all
which makes sense
actions unite
do something, anything
allowing something


last day of June
the month of birthdays
daughters and sisters
summer begins
sun shines
we celebrate
spend time with people
and listen
how do I do this
help me I don’t know
so I answer
unsure myself if I know
and then celebrate some more
the small triumphs
and cry over the defeats
if only in my mind
whisper into the bright morning
talking out loud as I run
yet no one hears
running harder, faster
into something while pretending it’s necessary
what if everything is pretend
except the warmth of the sun
and the driving, pouring rain
June is one or the other
sun or storm
contentment and bliss
perplexing utter sadness
a raging torrent never reaching a climax
then the sun shines again
and I know
this month ends today
yet the sun shines
in July even brighter
warmer, shall I say hot
hopefulness escalates
because to not hope is to barely exist
and I want more than existence
sisters and daughters, though not like June’s
to celebrate once more
so we roll into another day
rejoicing in summer
yet not forgetting
today, the last day of June


when lost
do you try with all your might
to run
find a way out
a way home
or do you sit tight
waiting for a rescue
someone to come
carry you out
to safety and familiarity
seek and find
or wait and see
all on me
consider surrender
strength, I see in both
freedom to choose, overcome
power to be still, allow oneself
to submit
when lost
how do I respond
all on me
or white flag
announcing I am ready
to be driven home


God, this day
in the midst of everything
between Palm Sunday and Death
celebration and despair
between hope and fear
it’s a regular day
yet in two days
meal shared
the course of eternity set
only darkness
sudden loss
yet this day
I know the rest of the week
then Friday
the silence of Saturday
nothing quiet
but Sunday
the day of change
final reconciliation
we are complete
therefore joy
a sudden realization that today, Tuesday, is ordinary
yet divine

screaming quietly in my mind
who and what I owe
never ending so I long to run
freedom means loyalty to self
where is that place
far away
or right here
losing myself quickly
fight ensues
me and myself
more than right and wrong
decisive loses every time
and I cry
yet I wish for
no obligation
only choice
never ending
run to nowhere
oblige myself


still winter
obtrusively by thought
though daffodils
it’s still winter
the record shows
my formidable plan deterred
not time
readiness is necessary
to some yet not to me
measures might be in order
if and when
yet still
all is silent
because truthfully there is no need
celebration is premature
winter lingers despite
reminded, I cannot know
until then

voided fear

hope is voided fear
stepped over
passed by
not necessary or needed is fear
hope is seeing the best
purer than love, maybe?
since love has its obligations and responsibilities
fear sabotages
unlocks a door to nowhere
vast and seemingly endless
hope, just is
a wish for the best
an expectation of positivity
circumstances equalling a bright future
cherish hope
it’s all we have
anoint hope as a saintly prize
to hope is to achieve
and in accomplishment, becoming
something beyond today
belonging to a future time
we hope together
even in separateness
all that is to come
triumph over fear


winter of our
…not quite joy
yet hope, nonetheless
frozen bitterness breaks
will there be a day?
free of all which lingers
unkempt, unwell
astounding surprise
given not as a gift
but a resolution
let go, release
stop caring so you can care again
winter of our
soon to be content

bowl of shells

a bowl of shells on my table
centerpiece of sorts
white, brown, gray
natural as can or could be
I keep them
as a reminder?
keepsake of a summer day
I don’t remember where or when
a collection of once
or many days
different shapes
referencing the larger, whole
universe of living beings
or just a bowl of shells
on my table
alluding to sunshine and salt
which as of this moment are not near
far away in place and form
do I find more?
seek the ever beating waves
or realize it is beyond
behind and not returning
so note only a bowl of shells
nothing more

free yet detoured

surprised by incongruity

when did I become this?

dependent yet alone

no one is here to lean on

not one person I could ask

assist, please? could you?

no, I don’t bother

I’d rather not, thanks

I prefer what I am which is

undetoured by the confusions


walk away or walk toward

it matters but it doesn’t

because there is no direction

no one reads any rules

since there is no one

there are no rules

yet I have my set

those which hold me

present though sometimes a step



it’s settled

I’m unsettled

can we settle this?

once and for all

set it aside

it being us or him and her

the setting for a story

set up for a fall

ready set go

yet go where?

set up to fail

game set match

is it a game?

were we a match?

are we a match?

just settle down

get to the bottom of it

settle the case

there is no reset


so it will never

be settled

or maybe it will be

we’ll settle it when


wait until

the weather is warmer

the holidays have past

I have time

she waits for an answer, my friend

another she in my life waits for something else

and me, I wait too

someone on the other side must be waiting as well?

await a response



plan to be laid out

how long is reasonable?

is it worth the wait?

whatever it is

meantime, wait while waiting?

a procrastinator’s dream

waiting is just that

no need to act today

hurry up and

waiting game, an odd term

wait for someone who will never arrive

like Godot

wait on God

keep a distance

arms length

until we know for certain

wait until

follow me

just listen

no questions or worries

follow me

I have never taken the lead

yet this time, let me

follow me

I can see it

plain as day

follow me

there’s music there

always music

follow me

words, sometimes

even if no one else comprehends

follow me

don’t fear

all will be well

follow me

we belong

together where

follow me

only then

the story begins

follow me