A little over ten months ago, which I will go ahead and rephrase to a little less than a year ago…I wrote my previous entry entitled pivot. That pivot point cast me into a realm of uncertainty. Or again rephrasing, into a more uncertain uncertainty. The unknown. Yet I was able to keep on keeping on, so to speak.
Now…well now I am in the process of pivoting. Again. Only this time there is no keeping on. Something is ending. I have yet to find out what is beginning.
Six years of working under a federal grant are coming to a close. In case you did not know, federal grant funding is precarious. Especially related to education. And even more especially in the current state of affairs. Which means my job is ending. Friends ask if there is not some way to continue the program I manage. Another way? Another stream of funds? There is not. Without explaining the dire details of my school district’s financial trauma, I will state there is most likely not another position for me in the immediate. Perhaps there will be. Yet the timing yields gaps. So I wait.
But, it does not seem prudent to only wait. Therefore, I am making plans. Seeking what is available. Plus clarifying those ideas that have lingered in my brain for years. Thoughts which have not managed to become more than thoughts because I told myself to wait. Until my kids were settled. My daughter has now been out of high school for ten years, college for six. My son received his master’s degree seven years ago today. They are more than settled! I told myself to wait until I have time and opportunity. Well, it seems I’ll now have some time. This summer is looking fairly…wide open.
So, here’s the deal. I am inventing. Creating. Executing a plan.
Hint: When life gives you lemons…
More to come on the lemons. Meanwhile, I am hopeful as I pivot. Yet again.
previous entry:
I heard something today. On the radio (thanks Donna Summer!). And yes, I still listen to the radio. Public radio. Independent radio. My dream is to be an independent radio DJ. Yes, it’s true. Which is a sinking ship because independent radio seems to be…well, sinking. But that’s for another day. Today I cried as a DJ read his letter of resignation over the airwaves. I was actually quite grateful I happened to be in my car, tuned in at exactly 10:04am and heard it. He said a lot, but other than the fact he’s leaving. What sticks with me is this. He said something to the effect of:
Having to pivot doesn’t mean you failed.
Wow! Pretty meaningful to someone who doesn’t give herself a good deal of grace. I don’t particularly care for change. But change, the world does. Not a great sentence, yet true.
I’m trying to remain positive as I pivot. Wish me luck. It’s not that my life is radically changing anytime soon. Quite the opposite actually and I suppose that’s the most difficult. Learning to squeeze another chapter out of a tired narrative. Revamp, once again.
Upon a Sunny Day 
I so enjoy your writing, Debbie. Thank you for your transparency in your recent pivot situation. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you navigate this journey. With Jim’s death, I have been navigating new trails in this life. It has been difficult but day by day life is becoming clear and I am surrounded by committed support. I suggest you surround yourself by your support system and lean on them for needed encouragement. You’ve got this! Have a blessed day.