It’s hard to be joyful when you’re not comfortable or happy with a situation. Even when joy is warranted, when joy is expected, there can still be a bit of sadness. Kind of like getting a promotion out of the department you worked in long enough to make friends. Sure, you’re happy for the wage increase, the new responsibilities and challenge. Yet, leaving behind comfortability is not necessarily pleasant.
Thus, you feel joy, despite.
Wednesday my daughter begins her sophomore year of high school. This is the school year in which she’ll prepare to study abroad. This is the school year when she’ll play on the soccer team and take four AP classes, plus advanced pre-calculus. I’m excited for her. I’m happy and proud. Yet, I long for summer to extend a bit. Just a little longer. Summer without crazy schedules and her being around.
A week from Wednesday is Move In Day. Husband Chip and I will drive our son Jamie to the University of Louisville and help him set up his dorm room. Then we’ll say good-bye and leave him. And while I’m very pleased with all his accomplishments, the scholarships that enabled him to attend, the positive music instructors he’s already met there, the fact he’s never been in any trouble and I won’t have to worry about him doing anything crazy……. there’s joy, despite.
This isn’t the loveliest, happiest tune. But it seems to say what I feel. Joy, despite:
There’s a push and a pull. A satisfaction in my kids growing up and accomplishing their hopes and dreams. There’s a happiness in knowing I’ll have years ahead of eating on restaurant patios with my husband. Yet there’s a sadness. Change, growth and letting go are not easy. Even in the best of circumstances.
I’m not sure when I’ll be fully happy again. Maybe Thanksgiving break? Maybe Christmas? Maybe after daughter Allie’s year of studying in Europe? Maybe after experiencing two college graduations? Will the push/pull be over then? It’s doubtful. So I suppose the new happiness is joy, despite.