just because

If January was a person. I don’t think I’d like her so well. She is moody and unpredictable and has let me down again and again. Frankly, I find her to be mean. Cold, abrasive and calculating in her unkindness. But I’ve decided to give her another chance. Maybe we can actually be friends, after all.

This January marks fifteen years of living in Lexington. Which is the majority of my adult life. January holds the marker for a few other events as well, which will go without mentioning as I don’t care to dwell on them.

January is, if I am honest, my least favorite of the twelve months. It seems to me the coldest and I prefer warmth. It seems to me the harshest in a variety of ways and I prefer the comfortable. January memories are not pleasant. Which you probably gathered from my comments above.

But…today the sun is shining. After a rainy day and night. The sun is bursting into my bedroom window. As if January, the person, is screaming out on the street, “Come out here and explore with me!” I will later. I will go for a run. I will buy January induced food at the grocery store today. Grapefruits and oranges. Broccoli and the other produce grown in the town of my childhood. January there was like today. Sunny and bright and hopeful. Filled with desert hikes and curiosity.

So I look back. Way back and realize. Just because January 2014 was one of the worst months of my life. January 2019 doesn’t have to be. Just because last January wasn’t my favorite month of 2018 doesn’t mean… Yes, I’m giving myself a pep talk of sorts. Just because it most likely will snow at some point this month. Maybe sleet. It’s not going to today. Today is quite lovely for an early winter day. So why not embrace? Today.

Today though. Will have its ups and downs and thoughts. No day is perfect and I will feel the emotions despite. The brokenness that comes from Januarys past. What’s missing. But also. What’s ahead. Eleven months will follow and there’s no use in being sad if I can help it. And I realize. Today, even if not another day, I can. So I have decided.

Just because most of the others have been less than. I will not simply accept this one. I will actually make an effort to be her friend. The January person who has let me down so many times before. I will invite her to eat with me and sing with me and do the January things we won’t be able to do in July. No one should eat grapefruit in July…

Just because it’ll be out of season and I’ll be eating peaches then.

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